I'm going to reveal something here. I have a benign tumor inside me (actually I have a FEW of them) called Fibroids. Uterine Fibroids to be exact. They are non-cancerous but quite powerful little buggers.
I recall my ex diagnosing these guys back in 2007. At the time, I was in London and life was filled with travel and...diversion. I did nothing about it. Last year, I went through the most emotional experience I've ever been through and couldn't gain control, no matter how hard I tried, how many people I walked away from or how much prayer I entertained...I was mentally-spinning. (Emotionally and physically as well.)
Clear thinking became limitted and I would often walk around in a fog. December of this past year was the month that took me over the edge. I was working three jobs, trying to get over a failed relationship and feeling extremely lonely and lost. Along with this, I was physically ill 10 days out of the month. Together, these symptoms made me feel helpless, until I finally confided in my best friend who basically diagnosed me via the telephone.
My doctor confirmed that I had Uterine Fibroids. Mine were so large that I was equivalent to a four-month pregnant woman. Surgery was my only option for a better life.
Over the past few months my surgery has been scheduled & postponed twice. In that time...my fibroids have grown and my symptoms have gotten progressively worse. I was originally going in for a myomectomy but it's possible that I may have a hysterectomy. The latter being a more stressful surgery as it is the removal of the uterus, therefore making it impossible to bare a child.
What I've realized most in this process, is that people really show up for you...or not. I didn't expect anything as I know how to care for myself. However, when the emotions take over, you feel hopeless and with me being anemic, my mind is weak, my thoughts are fuzzy and clear thought escapes me. I recall leaving a message on a friends VM that said "I'm going to need you to help me, because there are times when I can't think straight, so every now and then ...reach out to me." I was absolutely aware that this was what I needed from this person. And it's true, when I'm faced with the loss of so much blood, I can't think straight.
Here's the rub...when I am teaching those spin classes, I am on! There's no evidence of the illness. However, 10 days per month, I am debilitated. In fact, as my surgery gets closer, my symptoms have doubled. My doctors appointment this past week was a grim detail of my current condition. The symptoms have spread and I will be out the full 6 weeks for recovery. I'll only know if I've had a hysterectomy when I awake-post surgery. My doctor has shared that a few of the fibroids are sitting quite close to the lower portion of the Uterus. She would rather close me up and save the Uterus. I cannot live like this anymore, so I've told her to remove the Uterus instead of closing me up with fibroids still inside.
Throughout this process, I have realized how important our health is. Never have I had health concerns, this current experience is heavy for the active person I am.
My spirit is intact. Prayer, meditation and yoga are my saving grace (and spinning of course). A few friends have shown up through telephone calls or random outings throughout the hills of LA and they listen to my emotional tailspin. I'll be a much better version of myself after the surgery. For now, I must weather the storms, heal from within (as much as I can control) and visualize a full, healthy recovery.
Just thought I'd share.
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