I'd like to get to the point where I just don't care. But do I really? Do I want to become cold and callus; hardened by life's mishaps and the subconscious lack of compassion from those closest to me? Just today, I had to make a decision that I knew would possibly hurt someone. I agonized over this choice yet, I knew that to enjoy myself fully, I had to choose myself first. And so I did. The reaction I received was one of bewildered-content. And because we are habitual beings, I almost withdrew my personal decision. But I didn't. My mantra (at least for the moment) was "I have to do what I want to do." It wasn't simple and I was uneasy with my decision. But I am aware that this is what honoring self feels like. Sometimes you have to disappoint people. The blessing comes with trusting (and knowing) that they will be fine.
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