I'm currently in a nasty Landlord/ Tenant battle. As a renter, my peaceful living environment has been compromised. This has gone on for the better part of this year. I'll bring it to the owners & building managers attention and the problem will shortly fade. But just as I get comfortable, it'll reappear. In the midst of this ugly battle, the building manager has decided to wear the Victim hat and make my desire to live comfortably, an attack against him.
He views my complaints as if HE is being personally targeted. It's a sad situation. I am then fighting two battles. The first, my attempt to live peacefully. Add to that, I am defending myself against his inflated ego. Exhausting.
And just like that...Therein lies The Lesson. He is me...and you and anyone else that has ever worn the Victim cloak of DIShonor. His 'Save My Azz' mentality has clouded the real opportunity at hand. Just as my victim-hood has successfully made people close to me frustrated and nearly lose their minds. The truth of the conversation, problem or whatever, has been missed due to his and mine (and yours if you look within) scapegoat tactics.
When it began to 'sink in', that Victim-hood was prevalent all around and that we use it as a burnt offering, it was together: the most lucid reality and an eerie sensation. I began to hear Victim stories everywhere. Anything from a co-worker who would always play small and blame it on his or her upbringing to a friend who justified their actions because they didn't want to experience what their parents did. (Note: A lot of Victim stories are a result of something that happened to someone in their youth.) Mine certainly were/are.
I easily revert to what my father did or didn't do to account for why I am the way that I am. It becomes easier to excuse my actions with this justification as opposed to accept the reality that I have chosen to play Victim.
You know that saying, "You are what you eat?" Let's take it further..."You are what you eat and watch and listen to and SAY." When you claim Victim, you become Victim. Simply put, you can choose differently by releasing the past and accepting the now.
Let go of what happened, what didn't happen or the way you THINK things should have happened. The only thing you can control is your thoughts about the Present. It took me a long... and I mean Looong time to get this. When it did, I regained control of my life. I stopped allowing the 6-year old girl on the stoop to rule me. Although it came at a cost, and with a great deal of work, I vowed never to allow her to invade my life. I work hard to keep her out.
Take a look. Where have you worn your Victim outfit? Can you choose to take it off? I think you can. In fact, I know you can. As for me and the building manager...with the understanding of where he's coming from, I'll do my best to continue focusing on my peaceful living instead of his Victim costume.