I have a tendency to take things personal, particularly in relationships. Because I'm 80% energy-all-the-time, I unjustly expect the same of others. When I don't receive energy in return, I withdraw and question what I did or didn't do. It becomes a self-deprecating cycle. I review how I could have acted differently, what I could have said and even how I can "make things better." I exhaust myself trying to understand what I'm not really supposed to understand, because in reality, it isn't about me.
Everyone isn't always going to be where you are, when you are. Not everyone will always wish to talk when you want to talk. And if, for some grand reason they do, take what you can from the conversation and give what you can of the conversation. Nothing more. Nothing less.
The 6-year old in me creates drama from feeling rejected and blows things so far out of proportion that I'm left crawling for understanding. It.Is.Not.Pretty. And that's my Pain Body. Because I didn't get what I thought I should have as a child, I've caused myself to suffer for decades. I then limit myself in conversation and don't come across as intended. A nasty boomerang effect.
I see my patterns and that's the beginning. The test is when I can see them before exploding. Admittedly, I'm getting better, although I'm still a work in progress. Writing helps. It gives me the freedom to step outside myself and become a fly on the wall, cringing at a forthcoming train, yet jumping in and stopping the train before it becomes a wreck.