I'm a Girlie-Girl. I love make-up, perfume, scented candles, bubble baths by candle light, flowers, birthday surprises, anytime surprises, Anthropologie, pretty lingerie -but not thongs, romantic dinners by candle light, kisses on my neck, a gentle rub on my leg and hand-holding (but only inside- NOT walking down the street...blah).
I'm writing this because I had an epiphany. A powerful one...I am a woman and I am so happy to be a woman (even with the hormonal casserole, churning inside me). As I climb closer to forty (I'm a few years away) and as I experience various levels of heartache, I'm reminded of my feminine power.
My mother and I recently had a conversation where we were speaking about the strength of my best friend. With all that she has endured and concurred, my mother went onto say that S - my bff, was tough. She stated, "You're not tough, you are courageous, but not tough" meaning me. Hmm...this uneasily sat with me for awhile. My ego was bruised as I considered her theory. Until it hit me.
I cry privately and publicly, I laugh (alot), I live in optimism and I am insanely extroverted. Most notably I am emotional and I wear it on my sleeve. Considering this, I can see how my mother and many others would generate the theory that I am not tough. Tough isn't the first word you think of when you think of me. But don't get it twisted...
It may take me awhile to get there, but when I have to be tough and take a stand for myself...I DO! However, I lead with romance and fairly tales, I believe in happily ever after and I get school-girl giddy when I have a crush. I speak with my hands, I am touchy -feely when in conversation and I think being in Love is a wonderful feeling...especially during the bad, I- can't- stand- you- right- now- but- I- can't- leave- you- right- now times.
I have had my heart broken for loving too hard and I used to hate myself for it. I've finally accepted that when it's the right person, they will be open to what I have to offer. I've also learned that when they aren't...don't waste your time and allow them to make you feel small. Very hard lesson.
Now tell me I ain't tough!